We’ve all had moments when something just doesn’t feel right:
- I don’t feel good about that decision.
- I don’t like how I showed up in that situation.
- I’m uncomfortable with what’s being asked of me.
When thoughts like these show up, it’s often a sign that one of your core values is being challenged. That sense of discomfort is your internal signal—something important to you wants attention.
What Are Values, Really?
Values can sound abstract or ‘squishy,’ but at their core, they represent what you hold most dear. They influence your decisions, motivation, happiness, and stress levels. When your life aligns with your values, you feel grounded. When it doesn’t, frustration follows.
The Importance of Alignment
If something is truly important to you, it needs to show up in your daily life. Misalignment between what you value and how you live creates internal tension.
A Simple Example
Imagine someone who values flexibility but works in a rigid, highly controlled environment. Frustration builds quickly. In contrast, a setting with flexible hours and autonomy would feel energizing and aligned.
Values Show Up Everywhere
Values shape how we interact at work, at home, with friends and family, and within our communities. When judgment is removed and we examine underlying values, many conflicts make more sense—often it isn’t about who’s right, but about differences in what people value.
Why We Don’t Notice Our Values
Most people don’t think about their values explicitly. Instead, we simply feel frustrated, energized, uncomfortable, or satisfied. Beneath these emotions lie our values being honored or violated.
The Goal: Awareness, Not Change
Your initial goal isn’t to change your values—it’s to recognize them. Once you know what matters most, you can better align your actions with your values.
A Powerful Question to Ask Yourself
To uncover your values, ask: What’s the most important thing to me about…? Apply this to your work, close relationships, living environment, health, and personal growth. Repeat the question to dig deeper each time—your core value usually lies beneath your first answer.